Loving You Is Not a Burden
You are probably thinking this post will be about romance...
In high school we learned about all of the different types of love throughout human history. We learned that the Greeks (Bible New Testament) categorize love into three categories: Eros, a lusty, bodily love; Agape, an empathetic love towards all other humans; and Phileo, a soul love reserved for friends and family.
With all of the growth happening in my life, I have been reflecting on the latter recently. I have asked myself who my friends are, who they should be, why I have entrusted some with secrets that do not deserve to know them, and why I have kept important feelings secret from those who do.
The word Phileo has obvious religious connotations, as it refers to God's feeling towards Jesus and Jesus' bond with other men. However, religion aside, to me it is a way of describing that deep love you can feel towards your friends and family. They make you laugh and cry, they know you better than you know yourself, and they ultimately want what is best for you.
So, what is the point of having friends you do not have Phileo for?
This has bothered me all summer. Why do I waste time and emotional effort tightening bonds with people who do not have my best interest at heart? At what point does the friendship dynamic cross the line from being two people that know each other well and like spending time together to people who love each other and reciprocate feelings of selflessness and caring for the other? Who should I be trusting with what information about me? You can I be vulnerable with?
These questions have arisen for me specifically as my trust has been broken multiple times over the course of being home for the summer. My jaw has been dropped, mirages shattered, and trust broken. It has made me really think about who I allow into my life—something I have never had to do before.
Has this ever happened to you? Has your trust been broken by a friend you cared about? Have you held someone to a certain standard, only to be disappointed by them in the end? My guess is that you, reader, answered "yes" to all three of these questions. It is a common thing we encounter in life, and it is something we learn and grow from.
The reason I wanted to post about this, other than to gain clarity of mind for myself, is so that I can attest to something that probably most 20-somethings face. Your 20s are a time for self-discovery. They are a time to learn from all of the wild things you did in your teens, and to hopefully start solidifying who you will become as an adult. It is a new kind of exciting, different from the thrill of sneaking out late or getting crazed over boys and experiencing your first heartbreak. Is is the parting of the clouds after a storm, the sun rays seeping in and bringing to light a transparency of self. It is the little ripples and waves after a cannonball into the swimming pool, lulling back and forth until shifting and settling back into the glassy surface. These years will be for deciding what values are yours, and what directions you will go.
I titled this "Loving You Is Not a Burden" because I want to remind myself and all of you of just this. Loving you is not a burden, and anyone who makes you feel that way should be cut out of your life. You are not a burden. Loving you should be carefree.
This summer has been difficult, yes, but then again so is life. The best we can do is learn our lessons and enjoy the little moments of bliss.
Au revior! xx
In high school we learned about all of the different types of love throughout human history. We learned that the Greeks (Bible New Testament) categorize love into three categories: Eros, a lusty, bodily love; Agape, an empathetic love towards all other humans; and Phileo, a soul love reserved for friends and family.
With all of the growth happening in my life, I have been reflecting on the latter recently. I have asked myself who my friends are, who they should be, why I have entrusted some with secrets that do not deserve to know them, and why I have kept important feelings secret from those who do.
The word Phileo has obvious religious connotations, as it refers to God's feeling towards Jesus and Jesus' bond with other men. However, religion aside, to me it is a way of describing that deep love you can feel towards your friends and family. They make you laugh and cry, they know you better than you know yourself, and they ultimately want what is best for you.
So, what is the point of having friends you do not have Phileo for?
This has bothered me all summer. Why do I waste time and emotional effort tightening bonds with people who do not have my best interest at heart? At what point does the friendship dynamic cross the line from being two people that know each other well and like spending time together to people who love each other and reciprocate feelings of selflessness and caring for the other? Who should I be trusting with what information about me? You can I be vulnerable with?
These questions have arisen for me specifically as my trust has been broken multiple times over the course of being home for the summer. My jaw has been dropped, mirages shattered, and trust broken. It has made me really think about who I allow into my life—something I have never had to do before.
Has this ever happened to you? Has your trust been broken by a friend you cared about? Have you held someone to a certain standard, only to be disappointed by them in the end? My guess is that you, reader, answered "yes" to all three of these questions. It is a common thing we encounter in life, and it is something we learn and grow from.
The reason I wanted to post about this, other than to gain clarity of mind for myself, is so that I can attest to something that probably most 20-somethings face. Your 20s are a time for self-discovery. They are a time to learn from all of the wild things you did in your teens, and to hopefully start solidifying who you will become as an adult. It is a new kind of exciting, different from the thrill of sneaking out late or getting crazed over boys and experiencing your first heartbreak. Is is the parting of the clouds after a storm, the sun rays seeping in and bringing to light a transparency of self. It is the little ripples and waves after a cannonball into the swimming pool, lulling back and forth until shifting and settling back into the glassy surface. These years will be for deciding what values are yours, and what directions you will go.
I titled this "Loving You Is Not a Burden" because I want to remind myself and all of you of just this. Loving you is not a burden, and anyone who makes you feel that way should be cut out of your life. You are not a burden. Loving you should be carefree.
This summer has been difficult, yes, but then again so is life. The best we can do is learn our lessons and enjoy the little moments of bliss.
⏯ 20 Something - SZA 🎧
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Azqv46WFxZE
Spotify: http://smarturl.it/sCTRL
Char...
ReplyDeleteI just read this tonight, 29 June 2018, so happy to see this...
because love s a well worn word it is used and overused, and
can be so misunderstood.
I think you have captured the several meanings quite well, for
a young woman of 20, soon to be 21!
I love you, and I wish you LOVE, in all the ways possible,
throughout your life.
Love is a many splendored thing...
from your Gram-e